For some reason I was thinking about my mouth … and how I can snap off with it from time to time. Or, how I *used* to snap off with it from time to time.
In all the time we’ve been together I’ve only gotten greasy about the mouth once with Mr. SLS. He left the house. Later he told me not to EVER cuss at him again. And I haven’t.
But in the past I have said some things with the intention of slicing and dicing a muthaeffer with my tongue.
Like the time I said to a dude, “Hell, all this yipyapping and shit, you sound like a bitch. Get some ballz ’bout yourself.”
And the time after that when I said, “I’m sorry I said the shit, but only because you keep bringin’ it up two, three years later, hell! Stop whining wit’ yo’ bitch ass.”
There was the time I said, “If I gotta figure this out all by myself, what the hell do I need you for?”
And oh yeah, the time I said, “If you want to eat here, you need to bring some groceries, cause my money don’t feed me and big [N-words]*, too.”
I get it honest, I do. I’ve listened to and watched my mama, aunts, grandma, great-aunts, cousins and beyond grind a mofo down with their words. I used to be proud of being mouthy and having a quick comeback on the ready in case a negro acted up.
Not anymore. I remember my mama telling me a few years ago that she wanted me to be married and if I wanted to be married I couldn’t do what she did. She had had her husband and didn’t want another one, I still had to get mine and talking any kinda way to a man I supposedly cared about was not cool.
If it matters at all, I said all of that to the SAME man and I eventually realized I didn’t respect him. Or love him. Or like him. We broke up and have never spoken again.
What about you? Do you let whatever comes up come out and talk to your mates/dates disrespectfully? If so, how’s that working for you?
*This was before I decided to remove that word from my vocabulary.
I popped off once with some nastiness when we were engaged and immediately saw that hurt and damage I inflicted. It also flashed in my head a verse from the Bible that goes something like "the words of your mouth can be life or death." From that moment, I knew that the words from my mouth could uplift or destroy my man's sprirt, his vision, our relationship…and that was the end of that.We may exchange words, we still argue from time to time…but I never say anything disrespectful that can't be taken back. Once out of your mouth, it is in the universe forever.
According to this book I once read called "Love & Respect" a woman's greatest need is to feel loved and a mans greatest need is to feel respected. This has definitely affected me in how I deal with men I have been in relationships with. I try to consider the things I say & how I say them to avoid making him feel disrespected.
Trying very hard to remove "bitch assness" and "punk bitch" from my vocabulary…
oooh, how i had to learn this lesson the hard way.