I have a hard time *not* showing my annoyance with people who cannot think for themselves and/or don’t take initiative.
I am not a micromanager and I don’t like (or need to be) micromanaged. We are all adults and know what we have to do and when it needs to be done. I expect you to do your shit and I will do mine. If I have a problem I will let someone know in enough time that we can still meet the deadline or change it if that’s what’s needed. I expect the people I work with to do the same.
That means, you need to have the confidence to be able to make decisions. (yes, I’m switching tenses and voices here just stay with me dammit)
If you interrupt what I’m doing to ask me if you should move the widget one smidge to the right, my kneejerk reaction is to talk to you as if you are stupid, because, YOU are working with the widget, right? Does it need to be moved a smidge to the right? Well, hell, move it then, damn!
Now, I know this is not the best way to “manage” and I am working on that, but I need some mofos around here to work on thinking for themselves as this is a two-way street. Use your brain. It’s there, I’ve seen glimpses of it. Eat some cheese in the morning so it will kick into gear, then ride the rails with that mofo.
Then maybe at the end of the day we can sing kumbaya or something rather than me wanting to ninja kick yo’ dumb ass in the head.
My bro-in-law lost his job for doing something he had no business. He and his wife want to move into my house I have listed for sale/rent.
Here’s the reason why I’m going to hell in a handbasket: I just spent a grip getting this house ready for sale and am not inclined to have them, their four kids and great big vicious scary ass dog moving in it messing all that up. Especially since they can’t afford to pay the rent I quoted or any amount close to it.
Mr. SLS says he ain’t inclined to be helpful because his brother is damn near 50 doing the same stupid ish, and what he did is very very very stupid.
I happen to like my bro-in-law’s wife, and LOVE their kids, and I would not want them in the street. I told Mr. SLS either we let them stay in the house now or we end up giving them money later.
Mr. SLS said let’s just mull it over. But, it’s my house, so ultimately I have the last word.
I was sooooooo mad, if she had been anybody but my mama I KNOW my snap response when she came at me with her craziness would have been “BITCH PLEASE!”
I apologized later — for snapping not for what I said — but she pushed the wrong button by essentially asking me to take responsibility for my 33-year-old brother.
Here’s what I said: I didn’t have him YOU did, so if you want to keep throwing good money after bad and wasting energies and fretting yourself to death, I can’t stop you.
But I long ago made my peace with the fact that he will *never* be the brother I wanted, so for me, he is just a dude I share DNA with that my parents see fit to take care of even though he is a grown ass man who can work and provide for himself.
So I suggest you stop hoping he will become the son you wanted and accept that what he is now is who he is and work from there…
At the same time you need to accept that *I* am not going to pick up this burden and carry it because you are tired. If you are tired, stop. If he ends in up the gutter, then know that’s where he wants to be.
As Mr. SLS says, take your victories where you can get them.
ADDENDUM:
OK, when I wrote this I was still mad. But last night I was reminded that my mama is being the best mom she knows how to be to me and my brother.
I was talking to her while waiting at my house for a man to come by and talk to me briefly about some business related to the house. My phone ran out of juice and died in the middle of our conversation which is right when the guy arrived.
When I got home about 30 minutes later my mom had called Mr. SLS and he was about to come to the house while she also had her finger poised over the 911 keys ready to dispatch law enforcement. From her perspective, man arrived, phone went dead. Something is wrong, send out the cavalry.
To sum up, like any mother, my mama just wants the best for me and my brother and I might not agree with her method in dealing with my brother, but it’s what she feels she has to do.
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When he brought his soon-to-be ex-wife around 12 years ago, I’ll admit I preferred this other woman he was seeing that I had befriended. His other girl was really cool, pretty, smart and we were in the same sorority.
But my cousin told me he preferred the woman who would later become his wife. So, I left it alone. He loved her and it was his choice — and life — at the end of the day.
Until the other day, I’ve never been rude to his wife. In fact, I went out of my way to be nice and friendly to her because not one other person in our family liked her or wanted him to marry her. And when my family decides not to like you, they will make your life hard indeed. I figured until she did something to me or hurt my cousin, it was all good.
Why does my family hate her so? She lied. All the time. About everything. First, she said her kids (she had two when he met her) had the same father. That turned out to be a lie. She said she had been married before and had left her husband. Lie. She told me she went to college and pledged a different sorority than the one I am a member of. Lie. If she was talking she was lying.
While they were dating Grandma invited her to an event and she wore the shortest, tackiest, sluttiest dress for miles around embarrassing our grandmother. After she bent over one time too many my Grandma said, “Everyone here is dressed like a lady except you. Go put some clothes on cause I’m tired of seeing the top of your ass crack every time you bend over.”
I’m sure there are good things about her, too, I just can’t think of any of them.
Now, after almost 10 years of marriage, this couple is done-zo. She found a new man and decided she didn’t want to be married anymore. When my cousin told me about the pending divorce, we had a good long talk about relationships etc. No matter what *we* saw, he loved his wife, lumps, bumps, lies and all.
When she called me Sunday asking for something — I don’t know what, cause I cut her short — I was rude to her. I’m wrong for that. In our whole family, I am the *one* person who has been consistently nice to her, so whatever she needed, I’m prolly the only one she could ask.
BUT TOO DAMN BAD CAUSE THAT WENCH DUMPED MY COUSIN FOR ANOTHER MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tell me what you think about her “issues” with me.
First, she does hair out of her house with no license. She wants to do my hair. She’s asked me some umpteen times and I said no several times then I ignored her and then she sent me an email that I deleted and finally she sent me another email because I didn’t respond to the earlier one. I didn’t answer that either and so when I saw her the other day she was feeling some kinda way. I said, I didn’t answer either email because I had already told her NO about doing my hair. She had her answer and asking me several more times was not changing my mind it was just irritating me. NO you cannot play in my hair in your kitchen sink. NO.
Secondly, she wants to do some shady ish (this is a darn near fitty year old woman!!) using our address and wanted me to write some letter and go somewhere with her mostly so she doesn’t have to be inconvenienced by some laws she doesn’t want to adhere to and I said, no to that too, because I don’t do illegal ish. She got EXTRA mad when she asked Mr. SLS to do it and he said, “hell no and [SingLikeSassy] aint doing that shit either.” I think she thought I influenced him to not help her cause it has not at all occurred to her that what she is asking is WRONG AND ILLEGAL, we should just “support her” in this scam. From her perspective I’m not supporting family and from my perspective “family” doesn’t ask me to do illegal shady ish.
So she had a salty azz attitude and was giving me the sour eye all day. But I think we understand each other now. When I say no, I mean it, so don’t ask me another 70-leven times and don’t ever ask me to help with your shady underhanded plots and plans.
My brother sent me his resume over the weekend and asked me to look at it for him. Mind you, he has yet to thank me for his birthday card, yet to wish ME a happy birthday or anything.
But, he needs something now so he managed to find my email address and contact me.
Now, what would you do in this situation?
Addendum: Ya’ll know I edited his resume and sent it back to him.
Mr. SingLikeSassy is a good man and a great friend. Off and on for the past couple of months we’ve been putting up his friend who is having marital troubles. About every two weeks or so the friend calls with the wife yelling in the background and asks if he can come stay at our house. He comes for a couple of days, then he and wifey makes up, she comes to get him and all his shit and he moves back home.
The last time this happened — right before Christmas — I told Mr. SLS that dude couldn’t come back cause our house wasn’t a damn flophouse and that he needed to let his friend know NOW so he wouldn’t be calling us while he’s standing outside in the snow/rain/cold with all his shit in trash bags, he would know to call a cab to take his ass to a motel or relative or some other friend’s house.
Now to some of you that may seem cold, especially since said friend is unemployed, has no car and has been Mr. SLS’s friend since the 9th grade. That’s 20+ years. However, I don’t know this mofo like that, we ain’t got that history, these people are fussing and fighting and cuttin’ the fool up in my house and on my phone and I’m not having it. Plus this mofo don’t never call ’til he needs something. Not ever. Eating up all my damn food and sitting up my couch and shit. Damn all that. Yeah, ice cold, that’s me.
Well, Mr. SLS didn’t have that talk with his friend — who just picked up the last of his shit on Sunday from the *last* time she put him out — cause he felt this time they were on the serious mend and there would be no more troubles. I gave him the side-eye, but didn’t press it, figuring he knew more than I did.
Well guess who the hell just called here with the wife screaming in the background? Now in the past I haven’t said anything, but this time I got on the phone and told both of them to shut the hell up. She tried to keep talking as she was determined to tell me all his shortcomings, but I wasn’t having it cause I don’t care why they are arguing, all I care about is the fact that this mofo keeps calling my husband to come get him when they get into it.
I told both of them that if my husband left our house on this cold ass night cutting short our plans for the evening and inconveniencing and irritating us to come pick him and all them trash bags o’ shit up, and they made up next week, don’t call us again cause we were finished with their drama and all this back and forth shit, hell.
Then I told Mr. SLS that his friend had two weeks. He can spend a few days in this house and a few days in my house (our guest room is earmarked for other people during inauguration weekend), but he needed to get on Craigslist or whatever and find him some damn lodging, effective Jan. 23, 2009.
My husband and mama handled her so I decided to leave her alone.
First, some backstory.
A couple of months ago Mr. SingLikeSassy bought me this little iHome iPod thingy that I use in the kitchen and when I’m showering.
Because he has so much music people always want to listen to Mr. SLS’s iPod when we get together so on Thanksgiving we decided to take the iHome to SIL’s so he wouldn’t have to pass the iPod around. Well, it was a hit. His sister was raving about it and I said, “Well, maybe Santa will bring you one,” to which she responded, “Well if that’s the case can Santa get me a Bose because I need to have the best.” Yes, she was serious. Her husband mumbled to me, “Always wants the best but has no money.”
Before I could call her out of her name my husband hustled me out of the house and into the car. But that squashed any plans I had to spend any time or money purchasing her a Bose or an iHome. I got her a scarf. Mr. SLS got her a CD. Yes, we are hateful. :::snickering:::
Well how about on Christmas day, chick opens her gifts and says “Oh, I thought yall were getting me that Bose iPod thing” and as I cocked my head to the side gearing up to say alllllll I felt about her, that damn iHome, the Bose and her ungratefulness, my husband so, “Oh no, you talked yourself out of that when you demanded we buy you the Bose WE didn’t even have. Merry Christmas.” Nothing else needed to be said.
OK, on to Mama SingLikeSassy. As I said in an earlier post my mama does not suffer fools gladly. Also I’d like to note here that I had not told my mother about my frustrations with my SIL.
First, my SIL ticked her off when she arrived and proceeded to walk up the stairs to our bedroom (which is an absolute no, f’in no) where I was getting dressed even though my mom said I was not ready yet and to have a seat. Without even seeing it, I know my mama’s face was realllll crooked over that cause she KNEW I did not want to be bothered just yet as I had hurt my shoulder and was tired from cooking and cleaning for two days.
THEN the Bose conversation I recounted above went on and I could tell my mama was right on the edge of being too damn through with SIL, but was holding her tongue cause these are my new in-laws and she was trying to hold back for my sake.
ANYWAY as my SIL prattled on, as she tends to do, dominating the conversation and not letting folks get a word in edgewise my mama got to the end of her patience and politeness and said, “Hush, shit, let somebody else talk for a change.”
This, of course, rendered SIL speechless for maybe 10 seconds and everyone stared at my mama who looked like she would go there if SIL was bold enough to jump and get froggy with her…I went into the kitchen and laughed silently to myself.
After that, the evening flowed on, folks ate and got swole with food and everything was loverly.
I have a hard time *not* showing my annoyance with people who cannot think for themselves and/or don’t take initiative. 
this little iHome iPod thingy
Chorus